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Lets talk again, but let me just ask you a question.

April 9, 2013

Am I a bad person for just not caring about someones death?  Am I really that bad of a person, when I didn’t really have a connection to the person dead?

So my wife is back with her family, about 2 hours away from here, and i’m slated to head that way tomorrow for the funeral.  Yet I continue to feel like its just a waste of time and gas.  Wow, that makes me instantly a horrible person, I know this, but does it really?  Tons of people die, every single day.  If you wanted to mourn a loss of someone you didn’t have a real connection too, you’d be mourning all the time.

This is just a time where i’m quite tired, I haven’t slept well these past three days, and I just can’t seem to genuinely smile.  All of this is because my wife is gone, she isn’t here, she calls me maybe once a day, and I get to hear about her day, but she isn’t here.  I slept most of the day away today, in two hours increments, finally went out and ate wendys for food, so that was good.  I constantly feel sick at my stomach.

So with all of this said, does it make me a bad person?  These are the thoughts in my head does that make me bad?  I just want my wife back.  I just want time with my wife again.  She cares 100% about every single family member.  Even ones she never sees.  It always comes back around to our raising, and our family connections.  I have an uncle that if he died, i’d shrug it off.  I don’t know, I just feel like a bad person for not really caring.  I’m gonna feel worse when its painfully obvious that I don’t wanna be there tomorrow.

I would rather you hate me your whole life, and when I die you say “Good ridance” than “I will miss him so much!”

So the more I type, the worse I feel.  Time to call it a night, thanks for reading as always.

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From → Drama, Family, Life

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