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Mid-life Crisis number 8,002

December 19, 2013

Most of my life i’ve been super depressed.  I’ve struggled with demons so much and just grow so fucking tired of it.  I’m 26, i’ve been married for a good 6 years, working on 7.  I’ve lived in these apartments for 6 or 7 years.  Dealt with no car for quite some time, car troubles in general.  Dad killed himself, Mom got cancer.  Life has been a horrible hell of a ride.  I like to stick out my chest and shout “What my dad did makes me wanna live more!” but i’m full of shit.  Sometimes I wake up I wonder why the fuck I continue to do any of it.  7 years almost 8 in Retail, but I suppose I chose that life for myself, so I shouldn’t be complaining.  I have very few friends, question a good bit which ones are real and which aren’t.  I want an identity, I want to have something I fell defines me.  I feel that there are probably people that i’ve met, hell, probably still even interact with that think a lot of me.  Keeping my sins firmly around my neck I struggle to free myself from them but somehow they just drag me back.  I want to live a better christian life, be a better example, be a better child in christ.  Things always seem to weigh me down and drop me back to earth, hard and fast.

For those of you still here, reading this, i’m sorry i’m not as dedicated as I want to be to this.  Putting my thoughts on a page and wondering if anyone cares whats said here or not.  Thanks so much for caring to stop here on occasion and reading my non-sense, truly, thank you.

Damn i’m so sick and tired of going to that job…but I just always say “Its better than no job.”  I waste away, i’m not a politician so I can’t play their dirty games to sleez my way to the top.  When someone walks in, with the company fewer years than me, can’t even touch me when it comes to working gets a store, it just makes you wonder why the fuck do I even care for?  I’m not gonna be able to sleez or back stab my way to the top, its just not me.  Anyway, this jumbled mess has been somewhat nice to get off my chest.  I pray that God, my savior, would help me through these tough times where its super hard not to just quit and give up.

As always, thanks for reading.


From → Drama, Life

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