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Is this the end? Real Talk…

June 5, 2014

Hang in here with me on this one. So i’m currently taking classes, training classes, for a job i’m trying to get. Its been more taxing than I initially thought it would be. I can’t miss a single class or i’m out. While all this is going on my wif’e’s mother is in a bad way, pretty much on her death bed. Well she died around 2:45am this morning and my wife was with her in Fort Payne and i’m still here in Jacksonville going to classes. My unemployment is still a struggle right now but we will get to that.

Life has been less than stellar lately. My sex life seems on the fritz again, i’m just depressed without a job, these test are super mandatory and you live and die by each test, there is a girl in my classes that went to the same school i did she was a grade below me so at least there is someone to talk to. And now the main event if you will, my fear.

Michelle’s mom always did a see saw motion when it came to how she felt about me. One minute she thought i was great and just knew I was good for her daughter the next i’m a controlling asshole who won’t let her go see her family. Michelle has had her fair share of fights and disagreements with my mom as well. I told Michelle my biggest fear in all of this would be when her mother passed she would leave me, let me explain.

Michelle loved her mom, just like any of us, but to a higher level than that. I’m afraid as time goes on she will start to see what her mom saw in me and it will spiral out of control. I love her very much, and I don’t want this to happen at all, but if she wishes it it will happen. I hate to feel this way but I can’t deny my feelings on the topic either. This will drift us apart of bring us together only time will tell. My nerves are shot and i’m on the edge of a mental break down and trying to keep it all together.

To all my readers, thank you so much for reading as always. Pray for me, my mind is all over the map right now and I need some help controlling it, thanks again everyone.


From → Drama, Family, Life

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