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When you realize you’re not especially talented at anything…

June 27, 2016

Ugh even i’m sick of my posts at this point…oh well lets do this anyway. So this is something i’ve lived with and understood for quite a while. I chose not to go to College due to the fact that I barley survived High School. I graduated and decided “Nah, i’m done with school.” So I made that choice, and blame no one but myself.

I spent a lot of my life working in retail, playing video games, watching porn, and writing crappy short stories. Hoping one day to make something of my life and of myself. I’m 29 now and wow did I do nothing at all with my life up to this point. I’m in a constant state of depression, I work maybe nine hours a week and i’m losing my mind.

I used to think that I was at least good at video games. I am very competitive when it comes to fighting games and as i’m learning Overwatch as well. I guess i’m just competitive in general when it comes to games. I’ve been playing tons of Overwatch lately on PS4 and it has been super fun, but the more i have time to think the more i realize i’m wasting my time and my life away. Playing Overwatch is fun, it truly is, but its getting me nowhere. I got super excited watching CEO 2016 tonight and decided “Yeah lets play some Street Fighter V!” only to realize all my talents in that game are gone now and it just left me angry.

I’ll never be a professional game player, its never gonna happen so why do I continue to just waste my time? The one thing I do for entertainment in my life is now sending me deeper down the well of my depression. My life is a constant stream of cruel jokes, but I still continue to sit and smile like i’m doing just fine.

All the years i’ve spent my life in retail have given me no progression, talent, or skills. I’ve applied for countless retail jobs and have been turned down repeatedly. So now i’m losing all my “hard earned and very useful gaming skills” and I can’t get a job I have tons of experience for, how to people get by?

I’m serious man, how do you all get by? If you’re reading this i’d really like to know, how do you make it in life? Have all your dreams come true? Is life truly the best? Are you at least on your way to something better?

I hope so, I hope no one has to experience these feelings that I do. They are harsh and dangerous. If I didn’t have so much motivation to live, so many events in my life that have been examples of what not to do, I honestly don’t know i’d be able to suffer the way I do and not try to end it all.

Is there a medicine that makes you completely delusional, that would be nice…real real nice…

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