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It always hurts, its always the same.

So today was a bummer overall. My air conditioner in my apartment was making weird noises. I called and got someone to come out and he couldn’t really figure it out, so that was just kinda nothing.

Then my wife calls me as she is supposed to be getting off work, with bad news that the Blazer (one of my two vehicles) battery died because of the door not closing (its been an issue lately) and the ignition switch is stuck…awesome!

How in the world do people get by in their daily lives with stress? These problems always make me wish I were dead, and make me second guess where i’m at in life. Am I the only one these things effect so harshly? These things always bust me apart and its so irritating!!! I don’t want this sinking feeling in my stomach, but I can’t stop it. We get paid tomorrow…lets hope and pray I can get it fixed enough to be back on the road.

If not, doing this thing with one car is not gonna be easy at all! Ugh, it always hurts, its always the same.


A quick plug for the things i’m in/do creatively

Just wanted to Shamelessly Self Promote real quick:

You can find a cool Podcast I do with a friend of mine (Warped Rationale) in two different places:

Check it out if you’re into “What if…” scenarios and hilarious moments

I do my best to stream on Twitch and take care of my YouTube Channel.

I try these days to be really creative with my time so please visit and enjoy these things if you’re into it.

Thanks for reading!

Lets not be too hasty.

Ahhhh its me again, hello! So since my last post things are about the same. I’ve been struggling to get hours at my job but still pushing forward to make it work out. The threat of the mall that I work in closing continues to loom as the Sears is in the process of closing, and now guest services, responsible for wheel chairs and strollers, is closing on short notice.

Yet again I could be jobless, so here we go again. Anyway, Overwatch comes out very very soon and I can’t wait to play it! Check out my YouTube Channel for Overwatch content as well as tons of Street Fighter Content.

So thats whats going on today, keep your fingers crossed that things will work out…

Dusting off the cobwebs

Hello again, wow looking back over this thing my last few posts were a dark place. It seems to be a place i’m most comfortable in so whatever. ANYWAY Hello, i’m back and ready to catch things up…because its been a couple years I won’t be able to catch everything up, but lets hit the bullet points.

Dreams can come true:
So a small dream of mine was to go and compete in a Major fighting game tournament, this actually happened. Final Round 19, March 18th-20th happened and I was not only there, I competed! I lost and the organization of the event was a bit to blame but either way I had such an awesome time! My brother and his wife (my sister in law) julie came with me. Sadly my wife wasn’t able to come. (yes i’m still married, thank God!) Again while I didn’t even get out of my pool, I met so many pro players and fellow FGC members and it was so freakin awesome!

Job Status:
I’m back working at GameStop, which is kinda cool. As you know I loved my job at GameStop previously, I was just mistreated by the stupid store manager. While the hours aren’t there and I desperately need to find another job, its nice to be back in my element with a good store manager now.

Life Status:
I’m pretty happy right now, I deal with depression every single day of my life, but i’m happy for the most part.

The future of this Blog:
Well thats yet to be determined. I want to start back writing here but don’t honestly know if its gonna happen. Heres to hoping I can revitalize this thing and get it going again. Shout out to Mo Jackson for making me want to even think about this thing again.

This might be my last post…

I think i’ve finally lost the war everyone. This may be my last post to this blog, and if thats the case I just want to thank everyone who has hung in there and read this for so long. I don’t quite know if i’ll make it out of this alive this time, so to all of you who have supported this blog or my works with PlayerTheory, continue to do these things, continue to be awesome people that have taken this tiny peak into my life.

If this is to be my last post, my last few days on this earth this next message is for my family and friends:

Thank you for making my life full of entertainment and good times, thank you for being my friend and taking time out of your life to be there for me and to love me. I never deserved any of your love or kindness, but you gave it anyway, and for that I thank you.

To Allison, I love you so much and hope you find true happiness, its all i’ve ever wanted for you and I hope one day you achieve your goals and live as happy as you deserve to live. Thanks so much for always loving and supporting me, you’ve always been there for me and I can’t thank you enough, but thank you, and I love you.

To my mom, you are the strongest person I know, you raised me to be a decent person in life and to always be loyal. You showed me love I could never begin to understand, and taught me so much in life. Please know that I love you with all my heart and only hope for the best for you.

To my wife, Michelle, what to say, you are the light of my life, you were the one thing in this world that brought me true happiness. You made my world so much better, showed me true love I could never see with anyone else, and were a partner to the end. Thank you for everything you did for me, you are a truly amazing woman, and deserve much better than me, I love you babe, you are the definition of a soul mate.

To my best friend Daniel, thanks man, for everything truly thank you. You were a beacon in the darkness most times and the best friend a guy like me could ever ask for. You were my brother from another mother, you were my best man and that never changed. Take care brother, and throw another one down the hatch for me.

To my Brother and my Sister, Alan Jr, and Julie. You two are so talented and I wish the best things ever for you. I love you two so much, even though we never see each other any more you two are the best. Brother we have so many good memories together, way too many to count. You made me laugh my hardest ever, as well as cry my hardest. You stood strong as my shield for many years, and taught me what it was to respect and love someone. Thank you for everything.

To my readers, and strangers that read this, I hope some of my post made you smile or made you think, or both. This is the end of the line and I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel any longer. For the last time, thanks for reading.

A Poem.

As the door opened the light flooded the room

My eyes stung and my face contorted

How long has it been since I’ve seen the light?

I curled into a ball in self defense, holding my eyes closed

The pain was unbearable

I’ll just stay this way forever

The darkness is now more comfortable than the light ever was

Eventually the darkness returns and I can open my eyes again

I’ll die In this darkness…I’m ready to die…

His cold hand touches my shoulder and I can breathe again

“Lets take a walk.”

The voice is horrifying but I know its time to go

Should this release feel this good?

I ignore these thoughts and walk calmly with him to my end

Sleep seems to be the best way to cope

So the past few weeks have been really really hard to handle. It seems like everything that can go wrong did go wrong. Michelle continues to have a hard time missing her mom and I pray she gets some form of peace. I have a hard time making myself go to bed these days. I have to just ware myself out to the point of exhaustion and then lay down, if I don’t I just lay there and stare at the ceiling. Both cars broke down, and won’t get looked at until tomorrow. The only saving grace there is that Uncle Dave seems to have the money to help, thank God for that.

I woke up at 10:30am this morning when my alarm went off. I sat up, Michelle was already gone (caught a ride to work) and said outloud “I don’t want to wake up today.” reset the alarm for 12:30pm and laid back down went right back to sleep. It just seems that sleep kills the time and allows my brain to run wild with stupidity. I had some crazy dreams, but anything is better than real life right now.

Anyway, my readers are awesome (thats all of you) thank you so much for still hanging around despite the fact that this blog is so random of when it gets updated. I really want to focus on it more but most of my writing has shifted to “” i’m a writer over there so go check it out if you get the chance/have the time. Anyways, thanks so much to you guys for reading. Its nice to know that someone out there cares enough to take time out of their day and read about me.