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I started writing an erotic story.

I’ve written short stories in the past but, never really went full blown and committed to an erotic story. My libido is so insane right now I decided a good outlet would be to “Write it out.”

I’m surprised at how fast its going compared to most things I write and i’m debating on putting it out or just waiting for a while. Anyway the point is, for the first time, i’m writing a fairly graphic BDSM story.

It may never see the light of day but, i’m writing it and so far, i’m really having fun doing so. Its keeping my brain in check a bit more and thats the ultimate goal of the whole thing.

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Is there a such thing as, too sexually charged?

TLDR: YES

I seriously amaze myself at how often sex runs through my mind. Or just something sexual runs through my mind. I am quick to understand ALMOST any kink or fetish and in most cases am open to it. Of course there are certain things I would never ever wanna try but, that goes without saying.

I have a foot fetish and that doesn’t help. Its summer time, its flip flop weather and, I work where the majority of my co-workers are female and wear flip flops and paint their toes ect. So my brain is like the energizer bunny for sexual thoughts. Its exhausting, especially considering the complications my wife has with her libido.

I just wanted to make this post and tell everyone, you’re not alone. If your always on, you’re not alone. We have to control it to some degree and find ways to manage it all the time to not just be insane.

I was a virgin until marriage and, I believe this hindered my mind for sex. I’m glad I did it because of my religious beliefs of course but, I believe it put me in a bad bad spot. I quickly embraced my foot fetish but then also the porn I was watching was bondage related, dom/sub related and then all that got added into it. I’m not a furry by any means at all but, cat ears and a butt plug animal tail, wow that gets me worked up too.

To all my brothers and sisters across the globe with constant and seemingly never ending thoughts about sex, we are all in the same boat together. Its a shame we can’t just have a big orgy right,lol.

Music and my Depression

So for anyone reading this who knows me or, maybe you don’t and you only know me from this blog. You know that I suffer from pretty severe depression. Its hard to ever be actually happy about anything, even when things are the best you’re still not okay.

Music has always helped me through the toughest of times. I listen to very depressing music as my outlet, its nice to not feel so alone. I take the bands and the music I listen to VERY seriously. Lyrics have to be a strong point and then passion has to be another.

I just got back from seeing Kate Nash live for the first time and at this show I realized something, i’m only ever TRULY happy and blissful when i’m at a concert. Its really hard to ever just be happy and let everything melt away but, when i’m at a concert and an artist I love is passionately belting out their songs all of it just fades away. There’s a since of family, a strong connection with that artist even if they have no clue that I exist, i’m connected to that person.

I’m incredibly thankful that there are artist in this world that can make me feel this way. Concert time is always the best time each year of my life. I live to go to concerts and ride that true happy, high for at least several days. Tonight I also actually MET Kate Nash and got to express some of these feelings to her. She is so nice and was amazing in every single way.

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The weather is nicer, you know what that means!

Hello again, i’m back and to just talk about the thing that is obviously on my mind since winter is ending…i guess? Its always hard to tell around here when winter is actually over or just on pause for the moment. Anyway, flip flops and open toed shoes!

This is one of the biggest benefits of a foot fetish is the fact that its not against any rules to show off those toes. Most girls probably don’t even given any more thought than just easier shoes to put on. And of course at my job its primarily women so, its eye candy all around.

Anyway, as always stay proud and don’t be weird fellow foot fetish members. We have this fetish that is considered more widely accepted these days but, its up to us to not give others a bad name.

Okay well thats really all I had on my mind this morning, have a great day and i’ll be back i’m sure.

The same day but, a year later.

Time flies when you’re having fun, isn’t that what they say? Wow its been a year since i’ve posted here and i’m not surprised by that. What I am surprised by is, this blog hit my mind literally on the same day as my last post, just a year later.

So to catch everyone up to speed, my wonderful Dog had to be put down 6/8/2017, it will go down in the history books as the hardest day of my entire life. I miss him each and every single day and wish I could have him back all the time. His name was Hudson “Royale” Brown and he was the best thing in the entire world.

Continuing the catchup, i’ll be married for 11 years on 6/30/2018 and thats great! My wife is so amazing, shout outs to you babe if you’re reading this, I love you so much!! 3/16-3/18 will be my third year attending Final Round and also my first year not competing also. Lets keep going!

On 11/6/2017 I was hired into a call center as a supervisor/lead position with Viiz Communications! This company is really cool and a job I really enjoy. On 1/29/2018 I was promoted to IT at Viiz and i’m still doing that job today! Its weird, I finally have a real job thats 8am-5pm every day and off on weekends. I feel like a grown up now!

Ben is my best friend, he and I are so much alike its scary. I’ve never had a friend like him before, I’ve never experienced the weird mental link with a friend like I do with him, thats how I know for a fact that I have a REAL best friend, shout outs to you buddy if you’re reading this.

Times are changing, things are changing in my life, mostly for the better. If I never post here again I just want to end with this. Life is finally on the up and up and thats pretty cool.

 

Until next time, Eric.

I’m beginning to wonder what my goal was to start with.

So many stupid ways I identify myself, so many stupid things i try to take pride in. What is my life really? I’m about to be 30 years old, should honestly be in the prime of my life but here i sit, sharing the seat with someone who is 20. 10 years of my life gone, wasted, what was the point to start with? When even the little things you want to be good at shit on you and laugh as they walk away.

One day when I die and go to heaven God will shake his head and ask me “What did you even do?” and he will be right, I’ll be a joke to him there, just as much as i am a joke to him here.

When you realize you’re not especially talented at anything…

Ugh even i’m sick of my posts at this point…oh well lets do this anyway. So this is something i’ve lived with and understood for quite a while. I chose not to go to College due to the fact that I barley survived High School. I graduated and decided “Nah, i’m done with school.” So I made that choice, and blame no one but myself.

I spent a lot of my life working in retail, playing video games, watching porn, and writing crappy short stories. Hoping one day to make something of my life and of myself. I’m 29 now and wow did I do nothing at all with my life up to this point. I’m in a constant state of depression, I work maybe nine hours a week and i’m losing my mind.

I used to think that I was at least good at video games. I am very competitive when it comes to fighting games and as i’m learning Overwatch as well. I guess i’m just competitive in general when it comes to games. I’ve been playing tons of Overwatch lately on PS4 and it has been super fun, but the more i have time to think the more i realize i’m wasting my time and my life away. Playing Overwatch is fun, it truly is, but its getting me nowhere. I got super excited watching CEO 2016 tonight and decided “Yeah lets play some Street Fighter V!” only to realize all my talents in that game are gone now and it just left me angry.

I’ll never be a professional game player, its never gonna happen so why do I continue to just waste my time? The one thing I do for entertainment in my life is now sending me deeper down the well of my depression. My life is a constant stream of cruel jokes, but I still continue to sit and smile like i’m doing just fine.

All the years i’ve spent my life in retail have given me no progression, talent, or skills. I’ve applied for countless retail jobs and have been turned down repeatedly. So now i’m losing all my “hard earned and very useful gaming skills” and I can’t get a job I have tons of experience for, how to people get by?

I’m serious man, how do you all get by? If you’re reading this i’d really like to know, how do you make it in life? Have all your dreams come true? Is life truly the best? Are you at least on your way to something better?

I hope so, I hope no one has to experience these feelings that I do. They are harsh and dangerous. If I didn’t have so much motivation to live, so many events in my life that have been examples of what not to do, I honestly don’t know i’d be able to suffer the way I do and not try to end it all.

Is there a medicine that makes you completely delusional, that would be nice…real real nice…