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Writing is such a struggle.

I spend so much time thinking of all the stories I could write. I find one I love and attempt to flesh it out and, it falls apart. It might be time to change up my strategy.

Its already hard enough to remember to post on here, much less actually write a story. With that being said, I think I want to start writing a bunch of short stories. Short stories that may or may not be connected to each other.

I struggle keeping one piece in tact so, lets try a bunch of tiny pieces. Anyway, thats about it, thanks for reading as always.

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Why do I have a foot fetish? (Self Examining)

So much lately i’ve just been thinking about sensations of different things surrounding my foot fetish. Different textures play a huge part and, the smell is also a really big factor.

I look at a ton of pictures of Anime girls feet. I found myself most interested lately in stockings,fishnets and, sock pictures. I can imagine feeling their toes and soles through the stocking/sock. So thats all about texture for me with the right amount of sweat.

Early in my life I realized I liked the smell of my own feet after taking off my shoes from being at school all day. I never really told anyone about it, I just liked it. As time went on the first thing I remember were staring at girl’s feet. I would take note of shape, size and, what kind of socks they had on.

Later I would sit and imagine what it would feel like to bury my face into them. I still can’t explain exactly why that is but, I’m not ashamed of it anymore. Theres this amazing feeling at this thought, even today. These anime pictures when done well, ignite that feeling all over again. The texture, the sweat, the smell its all a factor. I know that this isn’t doing much for anyone but, I just had to talk about it, and where better than my own blog.

I truly wish I could get to the root of why I feel this way and, why I feel so strongly about it. I almost feel like an addict sometimes who just wants an endless amount of women’s feet to just bury my face in. Its the same sensation of seeing a desert and immediately wanting some of it, its exactly the same thing!

I know that most of the time these posts are to help others with their foot fetish. This time, I just wanted to express my emotions on the matter as they have just been overflowing lately. Anyway, theres that, thanks for reading!

Finding a new job.

Finding work always sucks. Even when you apply for things you’re absolutely qualified for you just never know who is receiving it on the other side. After my last post about the hostile work environment i’ve began to hunt for a new job.

Not only is hunting for a job hard but, its even worse when you already have a job and you’re looking. The ground is constantly shaking at your feet. You don’t know if its gonna cave on you before the new ground surfaces. You also don’t know if its gonna cave at all. What if you jump to the new ground only to find out it was hollow all along.

These thoughts swarm me like bees on the enemy who just destroyed their hive. My anxiety is through the roof and, it could be for nothing.

I’ll take less pay if it means getting away from this boss. Its amazing how much a bad boss can absolutely ruin a job you actually love. I keep wondering to myself if it will ever get better but…I know the answer. It never gets better, it never has and, it never will.

My career has been one of many many battles, this is definitely not my first nor my last. I’ve seen worse people, i’ve had worse bosses before just in different ways. This time is no different from the last. The many times i’ve stuck it out, hoping it would get better i’ve ended up unemployed.

It never gets better…

A hostile work environment.

I have worked for this company for a couple of years now as an IT support person. My location is remote from the main base of operations so I don’t always see my boss. On occasion he will fly down here from there and he is easily the hardest person i’ve ever had to read in my life.

Working remotely and not locally with him makes things harder. Thats always difficult of course but, there are ways to talk to people and he doesn’t know those ways. He contradicts himself and uses his own contradiction to make it your fault. It terrifying to know that a person like him is in charge of my career as a whole.

It boiled over recently and in a very roundabout way he threatened my job. He wouldn’t come out and just say it but, he threatened to fire me. “If you won’t do the work, i’ll find someone elsewhere who will.” Allow me to explain a little bit of the situation so you don’t just take my word for it.

Its expressed to us so much its almost comical. We service not just the site we are on locally but, the other locations we service remotely through the ticketing system. Not everyone at other locations use this ticketing system the way they are supposed to. Most of the time tickets don’t even go in for issues. When they do though, I get an e-mail about them.

In this instance I responded to a ticket that was assigned to him. This ticket in question was beyond my skillset and required his attention. I informed him of this instance in response, he scolded me and said “Don’t work on tickets that are assigned to me.” Now the big problem is, the service desk ALWAYS assigns the tickets to him. If I don’t take tickets that are assigned to him, I don’t work on tickets, its that simple.

So I effectively stopped working on tickets. Well that brings us to the most recent visit. He again scolded me and the other IT person because he wasn’t seeing us help with tickets at all. I brought up the instance I just explained and his own words. He of course backtracked from that statement saying “If its something you can handle, assign the ticket to yourself.”

Contradiction – a combination of statements, ideas, or features of a situation that are opposed to one another

So now, my job is in jeopardy because you contradicted yourself? My rage was increasing, I had a strong out of body experience, one that starts to feel like a plan for your next move in real life. But I fought it, everything in me was screaming at this guy and starting a war over this instance and for the first time in my life, I held back.

Once the meeting was over I had to go take time to myself to calm down. I have a vacation planned for me and my wife, she is so excited for it. I couldn’t let this instance crash my plans. I still have to work with this man, I still have to do my best to follow his insane rules and play this weird game he has created.

A hostile work environment may also be created when management acts in a manner designed to make an employee quit in retaliation for some action.

This is a hostile work environment. I have to keep telling myself “This isn’t all there is.” i’ve grown up a lot over the years and this was a huge stepping stone for me. For once I kept my cool, I allowed the situation to pass. I still have my job, not sure for how long but I do still have it now.

I said a prayer and i’m doing my best to leave it in God’s more than capable hands. So now whatever happens, i’ll trust in him to see me through it.

Day 3! (Late post)

My wife was off so, we played a lot of games together but, I still managed to get 35 minutes of Beat Saber time!

Total Time Played: 35 Minutes

While its not ideal to miss my hour, I feel like it can’t happen every single day. But, heres to hoping that when I weigh in on Friday night, maybe something has changed, we shall see.

DAY 2!!!

Just got done with my Beat Saber for the day. I actually tried expert on a few songs and that was a whole lot more intensive. I’m still not great on expert but, hard is starting to get easier. Not gonna weigh today.

Total Playtime: 1 hour and 3 minutes.

The Plan!

Its time to try and lose a little weight. Now i’m not looking for super huge weight loss, after a week of sticking to this regimen I want to see the end result.

Right now my plan is to use PSVR (Specifically Beat Saber) as my exercise. At the very least an hour a day. Today is day one!

Current Weight: 297 lbs
Time Played Today: 1 hour and 15 minutes

Now I will only weigh again on Friday! Wish me luck!